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Insomnia

The glitter of smoke is dirty and breathless without  your fingers playing with its strings… I’m cut in the claws of that smoke- between the sprinkle of sunshine and the glow of moon at night…
I walk between two glasses… they call me from both sides…Behind my shadow is the mirror, in front of my sight is the window, and now I don’t know who to choose- the face I see behind me, or the person that doesn’t exist on the other side of the window…
The glasses are frozen with infinity, the roads are calling from everywhere… So easy to get lost and so hard to give in to the temptation of melting in the coward screams of the rain… I want to feel the strength of the rainbow before getting lost…

The crowd is motionless in its moves, and I don’t have the courage to move on, but the urge of choice is inevitable… I choose the window and disappear in the sparks of the glass in the handful of sunrise… Now I am the one I never saw at the other side of the window… Now I’m me again… 

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Posted by on October 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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It’s quite enough…

The small drops of soft snow are falling down from the cotton-like clouds in the sky and melting on my eyelashes and the lines on my hands… I see a small piece of green grass on the ground but the snow soon devours this variety of colour… No movement, no sound, no… Only snowdrops… slowly and silently… freezing my hands and my heart… No colours… no songs… no Renaissance…

 

I’m sick and tired of winter…

 

The colourful leaves fall down slowly and silently… I see the same green piece of grass on the ground but it again disappears in the colours of the fire… Red and orange leaves are falling down on my head and my arms… Burning my brains and scorching my heart: red leaves burn my red heart, orange leaves turn into ashes my orange dreams… Green leaves are too far and dead to see all this…

 

I’m sick and tired of autumn…

 

Such a pity that my heart has two halves…

Winter is in one half of my heart, autumn in the other one… one half of my heart is white, icy and frozen, the other one is red, burning and covered with orange flame… These two halves hate each other and try to demolish themselves with their hatred…

 

I’m sick and tired of this war with myself…

 

I don’t need a whole valley of flowers, dandelions and butterflies…

A daffodil is quite enough…

 

I don’t need a church full of white doves…

One waving white flag is quite enough…

 

I don’t need a world of kindness and summer…

One loving heart is quite enough…

 

I don’t need someone- pure and innocent…

A faithful soul is quite enough…

 

I don’t need a thunderstorm and an expensive book to write what I think…

A sheet of paper and a pen are quite enough…

 

I don’t need wealth and fame…

Someone to read my words written on the sand or a sheet

 

of paper is  quite enough…

 

I’m sick and tired of lies and dreams…

What I’ve already had is quite enough…

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2012 in Poem

 

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The rain and the dust…

The rain is pouring on my left shoulder… The left half of my face is welled up with tears… but, no, those are not mine… They belong to someone else… not to me and not to you… not to the day and not to the sun… Those are the tears of the rain welling the left half of my face… pouring on my left shoulder… on the left shoulder and the left hand… And do you know why? – Because my heart is in the left part of my chest… But you will never be able to understand this… again why? – because you don’t know what a heart is…. because you will never look at yourself in the mirror and feel sth. beating in the left part of your chest…
The rain is pouring on my left shoulder, covering my arm and hand with its sweet tears… While my right hand is writing sth. on the layer of the dust on the floor… while my right eye is not crying anymore.. I know that you will again ask why, so here’s the answer – because my right hand is here just to write the following lines on the layer of the dust…

“You thought I would become a mad,
You thought without you I’m too sad,
You thought I’d lose my heart and head,
On seeing one day love is dead,

But see what happened in the end:
Your love is dead, my heart is bad,
But I’m alive and not afraid,

I’ll keep my heart through pouring rain,
I’ll keep my heart through hurting pain,
I’ll keep my heart over again,
And victories my heart will gain,
Away from you I’ll keep my heart ,
Heartbroken girl is not my part,

If you’re the night, I am the day,
If you’re the fright, I am the way
To lead my heart so far away,
To save my eyes from yours that say;

“I never loved you, it’s a game,
You lost in it and you can blame
Your heart for being just a frame
For endless love and burning flame.

It’s not my fault that you believed
That I could really feel a love,
It’s not my fault that I have lived
My thorough life as a black dove,
Without a heart, without a day,
Without an ocean or a bay.

It’s not my fault that now I did,
Did break your heart, just it was stupid
To have believed me in that way,
And these my eyes that used to say:

“Just do believe these words if mine,
It’s not of whisky, nor of wine,
I say to you, I mean, I do,
I love you now, I love today,
I’ll love until today turns grey,
And even after it is gone,
I’ll love again with rising sun…”
Soon the rain reaches the dust on the floor and clears away these lines from me, deleting you from my heart and memory just like a washed line on the layer of the dust…

 

 
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Posted by on October 26, 2012 in Poem

 

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Who are you???…

So, who are you? – A heavy storm,
A lightning sharp amid a night,
A clap of thunder, piece of fright,
Or burst of sun- so close and warm.

What is your heart? – A piece of stone,
A dusty book that’s closed forever,
Or just a dull and monotone
Long melody of pain and fever.

What colour are your soul and look,
What steps are those you always took?
While walking, singing in my heart
And talking, thinking it’s so hard
To stay here till the sunset comes,
To love her teardrops on both thumbs
And to believe that you can stay,
And to believe that you can say:
“It’s not a lie, but it’s a dream,
It’s not goodbye, but it’s a stream
Of sudden feelings, sudden pain,
Still rushing down like heavy rain.

And in the end, so what is love?-
A toy in fingers of your hands,
A song still sung by music bands
Or just the air that you breathe,
And just the light your eyes still heave,

When seeing sunrise every day,
When watching me dying away,
My heart and soul that never stay
Around your eyes, beside your way…….

 

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Posted by on July 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Why do you lie…

Why do you lie that you cannot live,
When all that you need is breath that you heave,

Why do you claim that you are a flame,
When sea is your heart, when rain is your fame,

Why you insist that you are a light door,
When you are the darkness, the dark nothing more,

And why do you tell me your heart is hurt too,
When scars on your heart are simply not true.

Then why do you lie that you can fly high,
Without even having the wings of the sky,
When the only thing that you always do
Is running away, is wandering through,

And why are you trying again to persuade me,
That you are the one my eyes need to see,
That my love for you is my happy joy,
And not my big fault, a cruel bad toy,

That death is salvation, and not self-destruction,
That you are my ransom and not my abduction..

 

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Posted by on July 10, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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You and me (hum-tum)

 

You are like a sun- so bright, full of light,
I am like a moon- so white, full of fright,
Our glances crushed, our glances met
And two ways got bound with a common thread.

Though a single whack set our world apart,
Though the time is out and will never start,
But as flying wind plays around with meadows,
And as happy birds sing around with shadows,
As the morning sun wakens all the springs,
Same is all the love that your heart beat brings.

Even if I never see your eyes again,
Even if you’re prize I will never gain,
You will always stay as my dear spring,
In my heart you’ll always be the longest string…

 

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Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

Teach me

Now teach me please how love is killed,
How love is killed, forgotten, thrilled,
How life is turned into a dream,
How rope becomes a single steam.

Now teach me please how to forget,
To stay alone but not regret,
To make my soul a pinch of ashes,
My mind- an archive, heartbeats- clashes .

You think life ’s easy to erase,
To leave away like an old phrase,
If asked can you replace your heart?,
To make it beat with halves apart,
To make it push another blood,
Then rush again with smoother flood…

If not what have you to demand,
To make me fall but never stand,
Your words are sounds my heart can’t find,
It’s speechless, wounded, deaf and blind.

You think it’s crime, it’s fault, it’s sin
To love someone by “love” I mean,
To dream of love, to live by dream,
To breathe by love, to think of him…

No, wait a while, I understood,
You’ve never loved, you never could,
Love’s never hit you, never found,
But soon it will, it’s quite around.

It says am here, I’m not gone,
In search of you, you are the one
I’m bound to hit you my good friend,
To show the thing you never had.

When finding love remember me,
Remember you and try to be,
The one you are right now, right here,
The one beside me but not near…

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 2, 2012 in Poem

 
 
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